I had remembered reading about a condition known as broken heart syndrome. Apparently it felt as though you are having a heart attack. Knowing this, I didn’t worry too much as I clutched at my chest when I felt a sudden pain in my heart.
I felt my hands shake as I drove to your house. I was so terrified of what could happen. So terrified I had waited too long. Terrified that I lost you.
As I made the familiar turns to your house I felt my heart begin to pound in my chest. I pulled off to the curb by your house and cut the engine. My breathing got quicker and I felt like I was going to pass out.
“You can do this.” I whispered to myself as I pulled out my phone.
I dialed your number; the first time in many, many months.
With each ring I felt my heart beat faster and my breathing get shorter. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard when I heard your voice. Except it was only to your voicemail. You didn’t answer.
I felt the tears wanting to come out through my tightly shut eyes, but I was fighting them.
Maybe you were busy. You could be taking a shower or not have heard your phone. There were so many possibilities. Both positive and negative.
Maybe you saw it was me and didn’t want to answer. You may hate me now and not want anything to do with me.
I let out a long breath as I kept my eyes closed and gripped the steering wheel much too tightly. Opening my eyes, I turned the car back on and pulled away from the curb, driving away from your house.
I didn’t make it very far though. The tears came streaming out of my eyes so quickly that I couldn’t see. I quickly pulled over to the curb after I turned the corner from your house. I shut the car off and reached for my phone. I had to try one more time.
My stomach began feeling queasy as I listened to the rings.
One ring. No answer.
Two rings. No answer.
Three rings. Still no answer.
Fourth ring. Voicemail.
My hands were shaking uncontrollably as I ended to call. The phone fell to the floor of the car and I rested my forehead against the steering wheel.
I was too late. You had moved on.
I felt incredibly sick as I bawled in my car. I didn’t even care how loudly I was crying; I couldn’t control it. It felt like I had been punched in the stomach repeatedly and couldn’t regain my breath.
I had remembered reading about a condition known as broken heart syndrome. Apparently it felt as though you are having a heart attack. Knowing this, I didn’t worry too much as I clutched at my chest when I felt a sudden pain in my heart. It seemed as though my heart was being gouged out. But only a part of it. The part that you were in. The part that completed me when I fell in love with you.
As I let the pain absorb me I felt a funny feeling near my foot. Instantly I snapped my head up and scrambled down to my feet. My phone was vibrating.
Could it be?
Really?
You?
I finally found it and looked at the number. It was you.
Quickly clearing my throat to sound like I hadn’t been crying I answered, “H-hello?”
“Why did you drive away?” I heard your soft voice say to me.
She was home. She had seen me. She still cared.
“You didn’t answer the phone.” I said quietly.
“So?”
“I-I…I just thought that meant you didn’t want me anymore…”
“You never learn, do you?” Her voice kinda stung at the open wound that was residing in my chest. “I told you I’d love you forever. I always meant that. No matter how I acted or seemed. I’ll always love you.”
I inhaled quickly when she spoke and a fresh set of tears began pouring out of my eyes. I tried to choke out an I love you too, but it became gibberish as the tears overtook my voice.
I heard her sigh quietly before asking, “Where are you sweetheart?”
Swallowing several times and hiccuping to stop the tears I was able to reply, “Around the corner.”
“Okay. Breathe, sweetheart, breathe. I don’t need you passing out before I see you.”
I heard the smile in her voice which, in turn, made me smile a real smile for the first time in over a year. My breathing calmed down and the tears began to subsided as she kept telling me to breathe and that she loved me.
As I wiped my eyes clear of the tears, there was a knock on the passenger door.
Standing there, smiling her beautiful smile, was the girl I fell in love with. Her brilliant hazel eyes and gorgeous, shoulder length brown hair sparkled in the sunlight.
Simultaneously, we both ended the call while she opened the door and sat down.
“Hi.” I breathed, still smiling.
“You’re a mess, love.” She said with a quiet laugh.
I chuckled quietly and looked down at my hands and bit the inside of my lips.
“Hey, don’t look away from me.” She urgently said and lifted my chin up to look into her eyes. “I haven’t been able to see you for a year. My memory didn’t do you justice.”
Instantly my cheeks became red as a single tear rolled down my cheek. She rolled her eyes as this happened, “I forgot how cute you are.”
For a minute I just stared at her with light tears in my eyes. How could it be that one person could mean so much to me?
One person be able to make everything okay again, after a year of depression?
It was an easy answer that I spoke to her in a quiet voice.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.” She said softly before lightly grazing my lips with her’s.
I kissed her back, ever so softly, before resting my head against her chest.
I could hear her heart beating softly as she stroked my hair lightly.
We were going to be okay. We were going to be okay.
My heart was fixed once again.
And I owed it all to the girl who always held that missing piece.
